There are times when we are hit by a moment of clarity and it suddenly occurs to us that our place in the pecking order in someone else's life has not been as high as we thought it was. We are totally blindsided by the actions of these people, often foolish and without rhyme or reason and are left bewildered that they could perform an action which is incredibly stupid and life changing yet not tell you about it. Such a situation has lately happened to me.
I wrote a few weeks ago of a friend of mine in a post entitled, The Tragedy of the Flailing Man. A fellow I have known for well over half my life, someone who, while a very insular person, is a character I would have thought would share something important that has happened in his own life. Alas, it is not the case.
This person has recently suffered a loss in the family, a tragic occurrence for anyone but one we all face eventually and as a result of this terrible event it has become apparent that he has been living a much more insular life than I had suspected. He has been keeping a secret from us all which I won't divulge on this blog but a secret which must have had a major impact on his life and goes some way towards explaining the sad and forlorn countenance which he displays every time I see him but which he will do nothing about.
Now of course I have believed that "live and let live" is the best motto for anyone to follow in life and I don't hold a grudge against others who choose to live their lives in their own peculiar and unique fashion but when a life changing event happens to someone of whom you have high regard and see most days yet they choose not to tell you about it and continue to deceive and live a charade right in front of your eyes then it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
There is no need to recap the sorry state that this fellow represents every time I see him. If you are interested in that at all you can read about it in my aforementioned post on the matter but I must say he has lead me down the garden path when I tried to help him and I feel like a fool that others have known this secret yet he has let those closest to him in his purest form continue on oblivious to his situation.
I have some inkling as to why this is so. The action concerned is foolish, the reasons for it complicated. I would have counselled against it. In fact I would have been vehement in my opposition and he must know it. And so he has chosen to ignore me and continue on in subterfuge, living his charade day after day, year after year, letting those who really care worry while he carries his heavy burden unbeknown to the rest of us. So be it.
Circumstances dictate that I will not see him for some time and I will find a way to continue on when his company is resumed. As I am sure the metamorphosis of feeling will continue on my own behalf I will not make any grand announcement now of how I will judge him in the future. However, the situation will never be the same again. It can't be.
So for now, I will let it pass and in all likelihood ignore this infraction whenever I am in his company in the future. But one single moment of clarity has assured I will never think of him the same way again.
Have a nice day.